Post #1: Why this blog post isn’t in Arabic and why you should probably start one

I lived in an Arabic-, French-, and Spanish-speaking country for almost three years, and yet I can hardly write or speak any of them. But I became fluent in German after six months of living there. What’s the difference? And what does it have to do with my decision to start this blog? 

The difference? Confidence.

I learned German at 18 when I was still ridiculously overconfident in everything I learned in my hometown. If people around me did get a chance to speak, they had 30 seconds to signal that they shared my beliefs before I butted in with a contrarian take.

October 2015 Debate Stage

When I moved to Germany as an exchange student fresh off the farm, this teenage confidence (and naïveté) enabled me to proudly speak in terrible German, which, within months, turned into almost native-level fluency. But I realized that if I wanted to make friends in Germany, I had to chill out and actually listen to others with the intent to learn something.

By contrast, I moved to Tangier, Morocco in 2022 to work at the American School there. I thought I could pick up one of the many languages spoken, just like I did with German. Much to the dismay of my friends, I still shrug and smile sheepishly whenever someone tries to communicate with me in Arabic, French or Spanish. 

Note: Arabic is harder to learn than German, but French and Spanish (languages much of my community in Morocco used frequently) are easier than German.

TangierVoices Choir post-concert silliness

Years later, I found out that research supports my experience. People who have always been total crap at speaking second and third languages found they could learn it just fine when they let go of their fear of making mistakes. The self-awareness and personal growth I experienced between 2014 and 2022 made me so afraid of being publicly wrong that I became too careful. I became somewhat of a perfectionist, refraining from making any claim I couldn't support with certainty. 

This is why I’m starting this blog. Not because I’m right about everything, but because I think it’ll make me a better writer, thinker, and reasoner. There’s a balance between publicly declaring strong, unexamined opinions and engaging in a curious, discovery-led participation with strangers. I hope to find it.

So join me in my blissful world of epistemic learned helplessness and read chaotic stories from my transition from farmer to teacher to opera singer to almost academic to TikToker. 

P.S. My love language is constructive feedback– if you want to give me any, I will love you forever. (Or at least say thank you.)